To … The girl in the business school who always shares her life story: I’m sorry, but I really don’t care.
To … The homeless man outside my house: Please stop singing. You wake me up every night.
To … Gus at Gyros: I’m sorry I yelled at you for not delivering after 9 p.m. I still love your double bacon cheeseburgers.
To … Mary: I hope making our turkey will be as interesting as last year.
To … Marquette: Everybody Wang Chung tonight.
To … The Milwaukee Archbishop: Way to stay true to your roots and root for the Bears instead of the Packers.
To … The people who eat an apple during class or in the library: No one enjoys hearing you chew. Pick a different snack, please.
To … My Secret Admirer: Show your face. I’ve been watching you, all the time. I know who you are. Meet me at 5 a.m. outside your door. Thanksgiving Eve.